What is my Attachment Style?
Attachment styles refer to the way that individuals relate to others in close relationships, such as romantic partners, family members, or close friends. Attachment theory suggests that our attachment style is shaped by our early experiences with caregivers and set the stage for relationships later in life. The way we connect to others influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in relationships throughout our lives. People tend to repeat bonding experiences from early development in adult relationships.
There are four main attachment styles:
Secure attachment: individuals with a secure attachment style tend to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy and are able to trust others. They have a positive view of themselves and others and are able to communicate their needs and feelings effectively. During childhood they felt safe with their caregiver, their emotional needs were consistently met, and were encouraged to have autonomy and independence.
Anxious-preoccupied attachment: individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to worry about whether their partners will be available and responsive to their needs. They may feel insecure in relationships and seek constant reassurance and validation. It is linked to inconsistent parenting during childhood. This style of attachment can also be linked to physical and psychological abuse and neglect.
Avoidant-dismissive attachment: individuals with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style tend to avoid emotional intimacy and may feel uncomfortable with emotional expression. They may prioritize independence and self-sufficiency over close relationships. During childhood their caregivers were emotionally distant or unavailable. A child’s emotions are dismissed or suppressed.
Fearful-avoidant attachment: individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may feel conflicted about getting close to others. They may desire intimacy but also fear rejection or abandonment. They may struggle with trust and vulnerability in relationships. Develops in children who have been abused and the caregiver has become a source of pain and fear. The are unable to trust and feel safe with their caregiver.
It's important to note that attachment styles can be fluid and can change over time as individuals have new experiences in relationships. Developing secure attachments in adulthood begins with reflecting on current and past relationship patterns. Identifying and communicating boundaries consistently assists with improving self-esteem. Therapy can also be helpful in addressing attachment-related issues and developing healthier relationship patterns.